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OtherFolks, this just in, it appears that Warren Buffett has struck a deal to trade jobs with daytime soap opera diva Susan Lucci. Buffett has reportedly negotiated a permanent spot on the cast of All My Children. Apparently, Ms. Lucci is en route to Omaha as the new CEO of Berkshire. Where could he be?
OtherDo you mean Warren, Charlie?
OtherHe's been detained at the TV studio.
OtherHi, Charlie, I'm Susan Lucci.
CharlieOh, haven't you heard about the deal between Warren and me? He's going to be a big star at all my children, and I'm going to be taking over Berkshire Hathaway.
OtherWell, you've certainly got some important qualities that Warren wants.
OtherWell, thank you, Charlie. And you can relax now, you dear man. You just make yourself at home, because I'll take it from here, thank you. I've been wanting to talk to our shareholders for quite some time now. There are some changes I really think we need to make around here. The first thing we need to look at is our dividend policy. I have never heard of anything so cheap and so unfair to our wonderful shareholders. We need to change it.
CharlieSounds good to me.
OtherAnd second, we need to look at giving guidance on earnings. And we need to do that every single week.
CharlieSounds good to me.
OtherAnd third, we need to pay our directors more than nine hundred. hundred dollars a year.
OtherI thought you were at the All My Children's Studio. What's that talk about dividends that I hear?
OtherOh, nothing important, Warren. You just concentrate on your role on the show.
WarrenSusan, my show is Berkshire Hathaway. And my role is to run it. I just did it. All my children can't do without you, and I can't do without me. And I can't do without Berkshire.
OtherSo you mean the deal is off?
WarrenThe deal is off. I really want to thank you. You've brought me to my senses. You can go back to all my children. I'll stay here at Berkshire. But I am so grateful to you, Susan, that I want you to go out to Berkshire, out to Berkshire, out to Borsheims. And I want you to pick out anything you would like and charge you to Charlie.
OtherOh, you are a darling. You are a darling too.
OtherNow wait a second.